My son is just turning seven months old and we are finally sleeping (thanks to Jennifer Schindele) and this has given me some time to reflect on new parenthood and how lonely and wonderful it can be. Through my own experiences over the last year or so with various people, here are some suggestions for friends of pregnant ladies/new moms ( or at least those who would like to remain friends with the pregnant ladies/new moms).

Do Not:

• Tell her the name she chose sucks. So, Fernando may not be your cup of tea…girlfriend, you just keep that info to yourself. Be supportive. You wanna be mean to somebody- then go write a letter to the Westboro Baptist Church.
• Talk about your horrible painful 4 day labor. This one is especially important. There is an unspoken rule amongst women who have given birth- do not freak out the woman about to go through it. If your experience was completely lovely, sharing that should be okay but NO GORY DETAILs. ever.
• Tell her about all the wonderful things you’ve been thinking about doing for her. There is either do or don’t do. We are not expecting anything from anyone but our time is limited, don’t fill it with things you did not care to put any effort into. It’s insulting, I promise.

Do:

• Bring that mama some food. This is so very helpful. Food that can be served a few nights in a row for dinner? Pricelesss. You know she loves cute baby clothes, too (that goes without saying).
•  Visit your girlfriend or invite her over, better yet ask her to meet for coffee.  She is still the friend you liked to stay up late with, over a glass of wine. She probably won’t want to stay up late but she would definitely love to share a laugh. I promise.
• Be kind. The baby business is 24/7 with no days off. A little kindness goes a long way!

Did I miss any important Do’s or Dont’s? Let me know!

It bears repeating…

We don’t think about our Resilience until we need it—then it is all we can think about.

How do your kids cope with Change?  Frustration?  Difficulty?  Loss?  Tragedy? 

Resilience has a lot in common with a balancing scale.  The balance is between the things that bring us down, and the things that build us up.  Researchers call these “risk factors and protective factors.”

As parents, we sometimes have control over the risk factors our children face.  We can help limit their exposure to violence, both in the community or through various media such as TV and video games.  We can help limit the junk food and soda that enters their systems.  We can help reduce the unnecessary stress in their lives. 

But, we can’t always control for all risk.

One of the best ways to combat the negative impact of risk factors is to help build up the positive side of the balancing scale, or, protective factors.

Protective factors come in all shapes and sorts, and from a variety of places such as:

-          Loving family members

-          Rules and consistency

-          Positive guidance

-          Skills and abilities

-          Independence and autonomy

-          Healthy relationships and friendships

-          Problem-solving skills and frustration tolerance

-          Safe and secure places to learn and live

…And many, many more.

To help your child be more resilient, do what you can to reduce risk.  And help your child build strong protective factors for today, and for their future!

Great ways to build protective factors provided by the Devereux Center for Resilient Children (DCRC): http://www.centerforresilientchildren.org/home/for-parents/

We all have our stories of children being unapologetically honest. 

Hilariously honest as in, “Your butt is SO much bigger than it used to be.” 

Brutally honest as in, “I don’t like playing with her.  She’s mean.”

Heartbreakingly honest as in, “I think Uncle Al lives in heaven but also in our hearts.”   

Reflectively honest as in this picture Mia drew for a friend… after considering the word “Best friend”, she edited and demoted herself to a more honest title of “Good friend”.

It would be difficult to find a parent anywhere who doesn’t want to instill the value of honesty in their children.  But, honesty isn’t always black and white.  There is a fine line between telling it like it is, and hurting someone’s feelings. As parents, it isn’t easy to teach this balance of being truthful, while also holding back.  It really is a delicate ‘dance’. 

And as an adult, I don’t get it right half the time.  I hold back when I should be a little more clear and forthright.  I say more than I should, often in the heat of the moment when my wits aren’t about me.  I’m still trying to get it right. 

Part of this struggle is modeling for our children how to get it right, but also talking about our mistakes when we fail miserably. 

I had a situation recently where I was a little too honest with someone about my feelings about their child.  While many positive feelings and thoughts were shared as well, it was those few comments that were a little too honest that I still regret voicing. 

I told my kids what I said, and why I regretted it.  We discussed better ways to have handled the situation.  They helped me problem-solve, and really did come up with some good suggestions to make things right again.  We all learned a bit more about honesty by talking about my mistake. 

Making mistakes like this does have one benefit, and that’s being a bit more understanding and patient with my own kids as they struggle to find the right balance in the dance between being completely honest, yet also kind.

So, I haven’t yelled in 30 days. It has been a whole month since I took this challenge and I passed. Barely. I did actually yell. 2 times. But who’s counting?

The things I yelled were, “STOP you are going to pull the baby’s head off!!!!” and “Don’t let go of him or he is going to fall on his head.”

They were both  desperate, “Hey, lets not kill the baby” kind of yells. That being said, I’m not sure this challenge is appropriate for anyone with a toddler. Seriously. There is no way to nicely tell a toddler to stop chewing on the electrical chords or to stop smearing lipstick all over the new  bedspread. I am definitely a proponent of peaceful parenting but I am also a realist and sometimes (not often) there needs to be a raised voice.

Anyone who doesn’t believe that a little yell can actually be a beneficial thing should watch a marathon of Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares. I watch this show almost every day when I feed Wyatt in the afternoons. It’s pure gold. And also proof that on occasion a little yell can be beneficial.

My five-year old, Mia, may not do everything right (okay, a LOT of things…).  But, she does do everything with her own unique style.

                                                                                                                                                                                             Including pouting.

Here’s to all the kids out there like Mia, who are marching to their own drummer.  We’re confident one day this trait will translate into something pretty cool!

Top 10 Skills Daily Bloom Readers want for their children…

We asked, you answered!  Daily Bloom readers suggested these among the top skills we want for our children. 

In no particular order…

1.)    Kindness

2.)    Empathy and Compassion

3.)    Honesty

4.)    Perseverance and Determination

5.)    Self-Reliance and Autonomy

6.)    Humility

7.)    Sense of Adventure

8.)    Courage

9.)    Charity

10.)  Resilience              

Also rounding out the list was “one to grow on”… Cooking!  Something we love here at Daily Bloom; and a skill that will help you take care of yourself and nurture others throughout life.

We love this list, and will be offering a small piece on each skill soon!

Tell us! What skills do you hope your children will possess? How did having or not having  these skills impact your life?

I will start:

Courage, Kindness, and Empathy.

I wish for my children to be courageous. There were times when I was growing up that I wished I had the courage to speak up for millions of different reasons. Sometimes I did, but often times I did not. This was because I was painfully shy AND because I never felt courageous. I hope that my children will feel empowered and courageous and that they will always speak their minds, no matter who is listening.

(This photo was taken by the lovely Jennifer Parke of Jennifer Parke Photography)

Six months may be a small exaggeration, truthfully there have been some full nights (but not many). I fell prey to the “feeding on demand” scenario that has kept my sweet little baby boy awake and hungry every 2 hours for the last 6 months.  Here is the skinny on my little guy, he is not so little. In fact, his weight is at 90%. Eating every 2 hours throughout the night is something my little pudgkin does NOT need to do.

Long story short: We decided to enlist some professional help. The magical Jennifer Schindele of Gift of  Sleep Consulting, came into our lives. And while we just started this sleep training, it seems to have taken 1 laborious day and night to take effect. Our kiddo has slept through the night and taken 2 two hour naps each day.

I hate to count my chickens before they hatch, but I am feeling very optimistic. Because seriously, I am a much better mom if I’ve had some decent sleep.

To be continued…

Hey Philly Friends! Here is our latest contribution to Bucks Life Magazine. We might be slightly biased, but we think this is probably the most informative article in there. You’ll just have to read the entire magazine to find out!