daily bloom

What dad does best…

- but take his girls on the adventures, spend quality time, and make lasting memories

It’s a beautiful Saturday morning.  The 4-year olds are everywhere, in their cute soccer uniforms that come down to their knees, picking dandelions, crying on the sidelines, really an adorable scene all around…

And then there’s Mia, in a catfight with another 4-year old girl at the center of the field.

It started with an (innocent?) elbow to my daughter’s belly while they were both trying to kick a ball.   This didn’t sit well with Mia.  She did choose words over fists though and asked the little girl, whom we had never met before, “What’s your name and why are you hitting me?”

Well… one thing lead to another and the two of them were squared off in the middle of the field doing the smack-talk head bob you might have seen on Real Housewives.  It lasted long enough that they drew a crowd from fans on the fields next door.

So, at water break, Mia runs off the field and tells me what went down.

Me: “Mia, what were you girls saying to each other?”

Mia: “Well, she told me I couldn’t come to her birthday party.”

Me: “So, did you tell her, ‘That’s OK because I don’t even know you!’?

Mia: “Well, no…”

Me: “So, what DID you say back?”

Mia: “I told her she couldn’t come to my birthday party either!  AND, I told her if she stopped hitting me, I would let her score a goal.”

Me: “But you didn’t let her score any goals.”

Mia: “I know.  I thought it was a good trick!”

Smile.  We had a little talk (as I am sure the other 4-year old’s parents did as well) about playing your best and showing your stuff on the field, not with fists or unkind words.

But, this was a first for me as a parent. 

Anyone out there had an incident like this?  Let’s hear about it!

My wise old dad has a new favorite saying and I love it.  When we ask him how he’s feeling, or how the time was that he and my mom spent with our children, or a variety of other questions that might have a mixed reply, his new answer is “Excellent – let’s not talk about the howevers and buts.”

I don’t know where he got this saying, or if he brilliantly coined it himself, but it made me think.  How many times do we focus more on, or talk more about, the few minor set backs or criticisms or negative pieces when the whole was, overall, really wonderful?

I’m going to try to take my dad’s advice and talk less about the howevers and buts, and more about the positives.  I think I’ll be happier, and so will my listening audience!

The Most Important Rules

(according to two preschoolers…)

I got such a kick out of Mia and her friend, Lyla, chatting about important rules, I had to write them down.

Here are The Top 10 – verbatim!

1.)    Don’t mess up anyone else’s room.

2.)    If you push someone, say sorry.

3.)    Don’t take anyone’s money.

4.)    Never put your feet on the table.

5.)    Don’t put band-aids or stickers on chairs or walls or the floor.

6.)    Turn off lights to save ‘lectricity.

7.)    Only Hibachi cookers can touch fire, not kids.

8.)    Hold frogs gently.

9.)    Never cover your ears if someone is reading or singing.

10.)                        Always tell the truth.

Although Early Childhood teachers and parents will tell you rules need to be worded positively, like number #10 above, I think in general, this list is a pretty good start toward being safe and happy.

Thank you Mia and Lyla for your wisdom.

… And, as you can imagine, “Mama Bear” came out.  Every mother out there who has witnessed her child being treated unkind by another child knows exactly what I mean by that term.

While watching one of 42 soccer tryouts this spring (OK, slight exaggeration), my youngest daughter was playing on the playground nearby.  Things seemed to be going well amidst the entourage of younger siblings at play, until I noticed 2 little boys throwing mulch at each other.

I started to walk toward the playground when my daughter walked near the boys.  One of the boys picked up a stick (not a twig, a stick) and threw it at her.  She turned around to run away and the other boy threw another stick at her back.

Now, thankfully, those boys were not a future Cal Ripkin.  Both sticks missed and the boys laughed and went back to throwing mulch at each other.

They weren’t aware Mama Bear had witnessed the whole scene.  I started my tongue lashing with “I saw you both throw sticks at my daughter.  That is NOT OK.”  I then asked them to point out their parents so I could involve their parents in this discussion.  Very hesitantly, they pointed out the same woman and I made a beeline for her.

Sensing Mama Bear on her way toward her, she turned and asked, “Is there a problem?”

Now, without all the gory details, let’s just say this mom wasn’t sure she was going to believe my story over her sons’ who were vehemently denying the throwing of any sticks (or mulch for that matter, although it was caked on their clothing and in their hair).

This mother also dared to utter the words, “They’re boys, and they’re only 4, maybe you should relax.”

Words like these don’t sit well with Mama Bear.

The incident ended eventually with the mother forcing half-hearted apologies out of her children.  That really wasn’t what I wanted. 

So, what DO I want?

I want…

1 – Children to be kind to one another.

2 – Parents to trust each other when informed about a behavior that needs to be corrected.

3 – The general mindset of “just being boys” or “only being four” to be unacceptable when it comes to attempts to hurt another person. 

Sticks and stones and names of all kinds DO hurt.  We need a society where we model for children the correct ways to behave, and do not tolerate any physical or emotional hurting of others.  Ever.  This piece says it well: http://www.nannypro.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-a-playground-bully/

What would you add on the topic of bullying?

I am extremely fortunate to have the blessing of all four grandparents enjoying my children grow-up.  Any grandparent will tell you (and, yes, you do tell us all the time) “You won’t know how precious this bond is with your grandchildren until you are a grandparent yourself.”

Well, we do get it – maybe not fully, but enough!

I’d like to take a few minutes to focus on the grandpas out there.  Grandpas (like grandmas) come in all shapes, sizes, and types.  But I think there is an almost universal quality among Pop Pops, Opahs, and Grandfathers that is such a delight, and so beneficial to our own children.

It is this… Complete acceptance.

Grandpas, in general, are not trying (as hard) to mold and shape our little ones’ behaviors – they are merely enjoying them for whom they are.  Grandpas are likely at liberty to do this because many of our Grandmas are multi-tasking at both enjoying AND shaping (which we appreciate as well).

This leaves the role of the Grandpas to simply bask in the uniqueness of each grandchild.  I love seeing the little smiles when my children do something a bit ornery, or, when they say or do something my husband or I used to do as a child.  Grandpas seem to get a kick out of the “quirks” in the little people, maybe because they had some of those same quirks as a child (and still do?).

This complete acceptance is a gift – and my children and I are so very thankful for it.